George Carlin Quotes
No.	Quotation	Subject
1	Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they're not mine. Don't blame me. Some are essay-length, some are just short lists of one and two-line jokes	One-liners
2	Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.	One-liners
3	Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.	One-liners
4	George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.	One-liners
5	If Frank Sinatra owed you a favor, you should ask him to have one of his buddies kill Andy Williams.	One-liners
6	If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?	One-liners
7	What year did Jesus think it was?	One-liners
8	I like Florida. Everything is in the eighties. The temperatures, the ages, and the IQs.	One-liners
9	It's a sad thing to visit Oklahoma and see Indians wearing cowboy hats.	One-liners
10	Why do the Dutch people have two names for their country, Holland and the Netherlands, and neither one includes the word Dutch?	One-liners

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